Building Your Village: Finding Your Support Network as a New Parent

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but what does that really mean in today’s world? For new parents, the idea of a “village” is more relevant than ever. The early days of parenthood can be full of joy but also challenging and isolating. Having a strong support network can make all the difference. Here’s how to find and build your own village to help navigate the ups and downs of early parenting.

Start with Family and Friends

Your family and close friends are often the first people you turn to for support. They know you well and want to help. Don’t be afraid to lean on them—ask for what you need, whether it’s a homemade meal, a few hours of babysitting, or just someone to listen to you vent. Set clear boundaries and communicate openly to ensure everyone is comfortable with their role in your new parenting journey.

Join Local Parenting Groups

Local parenting groups are an excellent way to meet other new parents in your area. Many communities have groups that meet regularly for coffee, playdates, or organized activities. These groups can provide an outlet for sharing experiences and advice. A quick search on social media or local community boards can help you find nearby meetups. Libraries, community centers, and even hospitals often host events for expecting or new parents.

Look for Online Communities

If in-person meetings aren’t your thing or you’re finding it hard to get out of the house, online communities can be an incredible source of support. Websites like Reddit, Facebook, and specialized parenting forums have groups dedicated to every aspect of parenting. Whether you’re dealing with sleepless nights, breastfeeding challenges, or just want to share a funny story, there is likely an online group where you can find people who relate.

Take Advantage of Parenting Classes

Parenting classes can be a great way not only to learn practical skills but also to meet other parents who are in the same phase of life. Whether it’s prenatal classes, breastfeeding workshops, or baby CPR, these are opportunities to bond with others who are likely experiencing the same hopes and anxieties as you.

Find Supportive Neighbors

Sometimes, support is closer than you think. Get to know your neighbors—especially those who have children. Having someone nearby who can help in a pinch, like picking up groceries or watching the baby while you grab a shower, can be invaluable. Even a quick chat over the fence can provide much-needed social interaction on those tough days.

Hire Help If You Need It

Building your village isn’t only about friends and family—it can also mean hiring help. A postpartum doula, a night nurse, or a babysitter can give you the break you need to rest and recharge. Don’t feel guilty about seeking professional help if it’s in your budget. Sometimes, the best way to be a great parent is to take care of yourself first.

Reconnect with Old Friends Who Are Parents

If you have friends from school, work, or other parts of your life who have recently become parents, reach out. Shared experiences can rekindle old friendships and give you both a sense of connection. These friends understand what you are going through and may be looking for the same kind of support.

Don’t Forget About Online Resources

Beyond social networks, there are online services like Peanut, which helps connect local moms, or apps that link you with nearby playgroups and activities. There are also counseling services and helplines that offer professional support if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Building Connections Takes Time

Remember, building your village is a gradual process. You might not connect with everyone you meet, and that’s okay. Finding the right people who understand and support you takes time, and sometimes it’s a matter of trying different groups or events until you find your tribe. Be patient, be open, and know that you don’t have to do this alone. The right support network can turn an exhausting experience into a more manageable, even enjoyable, journey.

Your Village is Unique to You

Every parent’s village will look different. Whether it’s a mix of family, friends, online allies, or paid professionals, the important thing is finding what works for you and your family. Parenthood is full of unexpected moments, and having people to share those moments with—the highs and the lows—makes all the difference.

A Happy Mess: Embrace the Disorder and Cacophany

When it comes to raising children, many parents strive for a picture-perfect home with everything in its place. And let me tell you, as a verified type A personality, I was convinced this is exactly how our home would be. However, the desire for order and cleanliness can often lead to stress, frustration, and unrealistic expectations. Embracing the “mess” in our homes when we have children can actually be beneficial for both parents and children.

First and foremost, accepting the mess in our homes can reduce stress and anxiety. Constantly trying to maintain a spotless home is exhausting, and can leave parents feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled. Often times, one parent in particular feels the burden and stress more than another, which can lead to marital discord, which is obviously not great for raising children! By embracing the natural chaos that comes with having children, parents can let go of the need for perfection and focus on enjoying time with their kids.

Furthermore, allowing children to be messy and creative actually promotes their development and learning. Children learn through play, and allowing them to explore and experiment with different materials and activities can foster their creativity, imagination, and problem-solving skills. Allowing children to make a mess can also help them learn responsibility; encouraging them to clean up after themselves and take ownership of their actions are powerful life lessons.

Embracing the mess in our homes can also promote a sense of family togetherness and connection. When parents prioritize spending time with their children over maintaining a perfect home, they create opportunities for bonding and meaningful interactions. Instead of being consumed with cleaning and organizing, parents can focus on playing, reading, and engaging with their children in a way that strengthens the family unit. When I realized I was spending more time “cleaning up” and losing out on valuable time with my kids is when I felt it was time to draw the line!

Of course, it is important to maintain a clean and safe living environment for children. However, there is a balance that can be achieved between cleanliness and allowing children to be messy and creative. Setting boundaries and expectations around what is acceptable behavior in the home can help our children understand the importance of respecting their environment and others.

Embracing the mess in our homes when we have children can have numerous benefits for both parents and children. By letting go of the need for perfection and embracing the natural chaos that comes with raising kids, parents can reduce stress, promote learning and development, strengthen family connections, and create a more joyful and fulfilling home life. Stop watching, and more importantly believing in the “perfect” Tiktok family with their beautifully kept home (I guarantee as soon as the camera is off, the house turns back into a junkyard of toys and crayons)…